Epiphany

Last week, I had an epiphany about myself..

Let me tell you that I HATE change. I mean I REALLY hate it. 

I was talking to D about how long it takes me to get used to drastic changes and realized it takes me about 2 years to get used to change.. Here are the biggest changes that came to mind...

#1. I grew up in the same 30,000 people town in Alaska my entire life. We only ever moved to different houses, not even to new towns... It was all I ever knew.

The last year of high school brings up the college stress. I had applied to the LDS Business College only because my kind of friend/acquaintance at that point, Megan (who was from the same town that I sort of knew for like 6ish years of my life and is now one of my BFF's.), was applying there and wanted to be roommates. Well, let's just say if it wasn't for her, I would've stayed in AK for school or even not have gone to school at all.. 

The day before I was leaving for Utah, I was packing and had a HUGE meltdown. I told my parents I didn't want to go and blah blah. But I still went for Megan really.. I would've felt horrible leaving her without a roommate. My other BFF Alie was in Utah too, but since I didn't have a car, it was hard to see each other a lot. But boy I'm glad they were both there... I mean, I still cried every night for two weeks when I got to Utah but it made it a little better with them there. 

Even thinking about this makes me cringe. I was really depressed and even contemplated getting a tattoo (which Megan freaked about).. I never got one but I was trying to find something that I could control. Long story short, I met Dallan and that obviously helped too.. 

The first year of college came and went. I went home for the summer and returned to the LDSBC for one last year. Megan and I roomed again in UT but moved to Provo to be around more people our age. 

I had decided that was going to be my last year of school and I still wasn't a huge fan of UT at this point. I got engaged, WHOA ANOTHER CHANGE, took 21 credits my last semester of college, graduated, and returned to Alaska to finish with all the wedding stuff. 

Change, change and more change... We got married and returned to UT for Dallan's last year at BYU. At this point, I wasn't SUPER sad about going back to Utah and found that I actually didn't mind it THAT bad. And actually was a little sad knowing we wouldn't be going back... How many years did it take me to get used to Utah and living away from my family? TWO WHOLE YEARS... 

(Looking back through pictures, I realized I did a lot of fun things! How was I so distraught??)

This is a picture from Year One!

Year Two!

#2. Being married in itself is a huge change. I've been married over a year and a half and I'm just barely getting used to it! Sometimes I still think, "Wow! I'm really married!" This wasn't as hard of an adjustment as moving away, but it was still a big change. All of a sudden I have to think of someone else instead of me! It was hard (and still is sometimes...) to not say things like, "Hey! That's mine not yours!" HA Sorry honey.. "What's mine is your's Baby!" (What Happens In Vegas anyone?)

Photo Credit: Briar Photography  

http://www.briarphotos.com/ 

(p.s. She is now located in California! If you need pictures done, contact Brittany!)

#3. There have been some personal things that have been going on for over a year already that aren't quite appropriate to speak about right now (no, it's nothing about pregnancies or anything like that) and I'm still not used to it... let's just say it's been pretty difficult to deal with. 

Anyways, are you catching my drift?? I TAKE FOREVER to get used to change and I don't like it!!! I wish I could change my thinking... but you can't just do that over night. Maybe now that I've actually come to notice it, I can start to readjust my thought process.

I get anxiety knowing that I'm moving to Virginia in just a short 5 months. I've only been there once for a week, 6 years ago. I only know one family that lives there, I have NO family there, I don't know the area, D is starting at a new school, and it's just going to be a little chaotic and depressing and exciting all at once! I'm going to go crazy... I don't know how you military people do it moving all the time, but kudos to you!

^^This is what is going to keep me going... I know if I hadn't moved to UT for college, I would have regretted it. I mean, I may not have ever met Dallan, gotten married, grown up A LOT, finished college, and blah blah blah. I don't regret doing any of that. It just takes a little bit of time to accept change and really appreciate where I am in life..