12.02.2013

"You're Not Pregnant Yet?!"

I am generally a pretty positive and happy person. I would say I'm positive about 85% of the time. I see life in a clear view and can see a bright future for myself. If I say, "I'm ALWAYS happy and never negative," well that's a blatant lie. No one can be happy all the time. It's impossible because we are human beings. With that said..

I wrote this post a couple weeks ago.. I have been debating on even posting it because it may hurt others feelings, but I'm posting it anyways. My feelings have been hurt too. It's life. So sorry in advance if it does. This also isn't directed towards any certain persons. It is just in general since day one of marriage. 

Before I continue, let me remind you, this is MY blog, MY journal, and MY outlet to be creative, or to just vent. So if you don't like what you're reading, then stop now. I don't care.

Has anyone else without kids, been told time and time again, "Oh you're not a mom though, you don't understand."?

As a "newly wed" (1.5 years married) in the Mormon culture the thing that happens AS SOON as you get married is, "When's the baby due?" "Time to get it started!" "How come you aren't pregnant yet?" IT'S SO ANNOYING! I mean how insensitive are people these days?! I usually just laugh it off saying something like, "haha not yet." But sometimes I just want to say (and I have said it once..), "What if we are trying but we can't get pregnant?!" And boy did it shut them up and that particular person has yet to ask me again. It is like some people look at me only being 21 years "old", with no kids in sight or on the way, and think all my eggs have dried up! That doesn't make me feel good AT ALL. I then get all stressed out thinking I'm so old and that I'll be an old maid by the time I have kids, and that clearly is false! 

For the record, D and I are not pregnant and are not trying to be because that's what WE want right now! And yes I get baby hungry from time to time but the timing isn't right for us. I am not old, I am young, I still have PLENTY of time to have children. Just let me enjoy this time with my husband. It is none of your business when we decide to start our family. It is between God, Dallan, and I.

I love kids, and I will have them someday but man, sometimes talking to newer moms just drives me nuts! They (not all new moms do this, but some) act like I don't know that babies are fragile, new, and their immune systems aren't fully developed. DUHHH! I wasn't born in a cave. I have been around enough babies in my lifetime, babysat 100 times and have taken many health classes to know a lot about the human body and about babies. I also understand that moms have a special bond with their babies. But how different can it really be from people who adopt or take care of another's child? I have a few little kids in my life that I love like they are my own. I would do anything for them. I feel this is the motherly nature of every women in this world to love any child that comes into their life whether they have felt them kick in the womb or not. 

It just irks me! Obviously it is a hot spot for me.. Maybe I am a little jealous of new moms, but not only that but it is a CONSTANT question that bugs that crap out of me in the Mormon culture. I love my Church, it is a big part of who I am, but sometimes the culture drives me nuts.

So in the future, Please stop asking me! That would be greatly appreciated.

11 comments:

  1. I totally get what you mean... even though I have emmalyn she wasn't planned at all and part of me wishes nate and I could have had more time alone together. My heart breaks a little everytime I hear a newly married couple got pregnant right away. One of my brothers and his wife have been having difficulty getting pregnant and they have been married for about 4 years now. My brother always asks people "are you offering to help us."even though it really hurts him when they ask..

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    1. Awh how heartbreaking for your brother! I'm sorry to hear that! Prayers go out to him and his wife. xoxo!

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  2. Yes Jordan, enjoy your time with your husband on a one on one basis cause once you do decide to have kids, it's mainly about them. Not ALL about them cause you still need time for your husband but having kids makes that a little harder, so enjoy, you are very young still and have lots of time to get pregnant.

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    1. I totally know what you mean! This means a lot! Thanks! =)

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  3. Marriage and children always seem to be the one thing that people, mostly strangers, feel like they can comment on. I'm on the other end of things when I say that I have 5 kids the first question they ask is a variation of "your done right?" I still haven't figured out how to respond because like you sometimes the Lord has something else in mind for us. People always want for others what is making them happy. Take full advantage of your time together!

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  4. Definitely happens a lot in the LDS culture. Get this though, I had a lady walk up to me at church a few weeks ago, I'd never seen her before in my life, and she says, "When is your baby due? I make blankets for all of the babies in our ward and want to get started on yours." Um... I'm not pregnant. Then she says, "Oh, you looked pregnant walking down the hall." Wow... you don't even have the tact to try and apologize and cover up your mistake. Thanks for the confidence booster this fine Sabbath morning, I was feeling good and skinny in this dress until you said that. :P

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  5. Oh my gosh!!! People are so crazy! I would NEVER do that do anybody! Especially if you aren't sure if they're pregnant or not! How sad. I'm sorry that happened to you! I hope you laughed it off or something! Xoxo

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  6. I'm definitely going to be shooting back the "What if we are trying but we can't get pregnant?!" the next time someone asks me. People are super insensitive and overstep their boundaries with such personal questions. I've had two people who didn't even acknowledge my last pregnancy (I ended up miscarrying at 10.5 weeks) who chipperly asked "So when are you going to try for another one?" I think I saw red at that point! I love how open you are in this post and I can't wait to learn more about you and your church!!

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  7. I'm really sorry to hear about that! I can't imagine what that's like. I have definitely seen red a few times when being asked when I'm going to have a baby. I'm looking forward to working with you this month! =)

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  8. Yeah, hopefully I'm not one of the ones who've bugged you about it. If I was, I'm sorry. I have been there too. Especially since I was almost 26 when we got married. The pressure was pretty high at first because "you're not getting any younger you know." Yes, thank you. I'm quite aware of my elderly status. In any case, it is a sensitive topic. One funny (now that it's 5 years later) story: I get huge when I'm pregnant. (Side note: all pregnant women know that they get huge. Um, hello! It's THEIR body that they deal with everyday. They know they are big and pregnant!) Anyways. When I was pregnant with Jessica, Jer and I went to Texas to visit his family for Christmas. We were about 30 weeks along. This random lady in their ward said something like, "How exciting! You're having twins!" I knew I was big so it didn't really bother me and I replied, "Oh no. Just one." Should have been the end of the story. Except it wasn't. This lady began ARGUING with me on whether or not I was having twins! Seriously, we went back and forth for a few minutes until my mother-in-law had to pull me out of the room because I was getting so mad. Even now I think, 'Really?' Funny now but still completely inappropriate and rude.

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    1. HAHAHAH OH MY GOSH AMY! I would be seeing red for sure if it was me. Especially with how uncomfortable I can imagine the last 10 weeks of pregnancy is! people can be so rude sometimes! Love you cousin!

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